“I deleted TikTok during the break.”
That’s what a high school student told me during a workshop I recently ran.
We’d just finished an activity where students were invited to reflect on their biggest “monkeys” – the stressors, habits or distractions weighing them down.
One girl stood up and introduced hers:
DISTRACTED DIZZY.
She shared how she’d been losing hours on TikTok after school, caught in the scroll cycle and feeling scattered by the end of the night.
But what happened next stunned everyone – including me. When I asked her how she planned to get that monkey off her back, she said:
“I deleted TikTok during the break.”
The room erupted in applause.
It was one of those rare moments that speaks volumes: with the right environment, students are more capable, reflective and willing to change than we often realise.
But they need more than motivation. They need support, structure and leadership at home. And that’s where parents come in.
The Scroll is Winning After 3PM
Psychologist and author Jonathan Haidt recently shared a confronting statistic on Oprah:
48% of teens in the US say they are online almost constantly.
Phones in hand. Minds elsewhere. Even while in conversation, part of them is still mentally inside their feed – comparing, scrolling, watching, reacting.
And while that figure is from the US, Australian teens are facing similar patterns of digital saturation and social withdrawal.
Of course, not every child is glued to their screen. Some are emotionally regulated, engaged, and digitally disciplined. But for many others, the scroll has become an escape from deeper struggles – loneliness, anxiety, boredom or low self-worth.
Whether your child’s school enforces a no-phone policy or not, the real issue often begins after school – when boundaries drop, bedrooms become tech hubs, and dopamine takes the driver’s seat.
Here are 5 practical ways you can support your child’s wellbeing in the age of social media:
1) DON’T JUST SET RULES – SHARE THE “WHY”
Telling a teen “because I said so” might shut the conversation down, but it rarely opens their mind.
Instead, help them understand how social media affects their brain:
- Dopamine hijacks focus and creates a craving loop
- Constant scrolling weakens attention span
- Late-night use disrupts sleep and heightens anxiety
- Self-comparison damages confidence and self-worth
You could say:
“I’m not trying to ruin your fun. I’m trying to protect your mind. Social media is designed to pull you in. I want you to be the one in control.”
The more they understand the “why”, the more likely they’ll accept the “how”.
“Children are great imitators. So give them something great to imitate.”
(Inglath Cooper)
2) SET BOUNDARIES THAT BUILD RESILIENCE
Boundaries aren’t punishments. They’re scaffolds.
Here are a few I often recommend to families:
- No phones in bedrooms overnight
- No social media before school
- Tech-free mealtimes (for everyone)
- Daily phone-free hour before bed
And for younger kids, consider flip phones or smartwatches instead of smartphones. As Haidt said, giving a 13-year-old a smartphone is like handing them a loaded gun – and hoping for the best.
Yes, you will face resistance. That’s part of the journey. But I always say:
There’s a choice between one of two pains – the pain of enforcement, or the pain of avoidance. One builds, the other backfires.
Boundaries aren’t meant to be liked. They’re meant to be lived by.
“Rules without relationship lead to rebellion.”
(Josh McDowell)
3) CREATE TECH-FREE TRANSITIONS AFTER SCHOOL
After school is often the most vulnerable time for teens:
- Emotional exhaustion
- Academic pressure
- FOMO and notifications piling up
That’s when the scroll tends to take over.
Help them reset by creating after-school rituals:
- Encourage 20-30 minutes of phone-free time when they get home
- Provide space for outdoor time, exercise or face-to-face conversation
- Model it by putting your own phone aside too
These short windows of decompression reduce dependency and restore calm.
“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.”
(Anne Lamott)
4) ENCOURAGE EMOTIONAL AWARENESS BY INVITING CRITICAL THINKING
In another workshop, a student said:
“I feel like I’ve got all the monkeys on my back – but if I had to choose the biggest, it’d be EMOTIONAL ENZO.”
ENZO was the monkey for low confidence. They said that when they didn’t feel good enough, they’d turn to their phone for distraction – feeding Dizzy the Distracted Monkey. The more they scrolled, the further behind they fell. The more behind they felt, the more confidence dropped. It became a loop.
It was a powerful moment of insight, and one the room deeply connected with.
Encouraging your child to describe what they’re going through – and seeing it as something they can change – is powerful.
Try:
“If there was a monkey on your back right now, what would its name be?”
It makes the conversation lighter but no less meaningful.
“Naming the emotion is the first step to taming it.”
(Dr. Dan Siegel)
5) BE A ROLE MODEL OF DIGITAL DISCIPLINE
Let’s be honest. If we’re checking our phones at the dinner table, scrolling while they’re talking, or glued to screens until midnight – the message gets blurred.
And teens have a sharp radar for inconsistency. As the old saying goes:
“Do as I say, not as I do” – rarely works.
Model what you want to see:
- Keep your phone out of sight during meals
- Let them catch you reading a book, going for a walk or just being still
- Acknowledge your own struggles with tech and share how you’re working on them too
When teens see us choosing presence over distraction, they’re more likely to do the same.
“Your actions speak so loudly that I can’t hear what you’re saying.”
(Ralph Waldo Emerson)
FINAL WORD: You Don’t Have to Be Perfect – Just Present
You’re not going to get it right every day. No parent does.
But this isn’t about perfection. It’s about consistency.
When your child looks back in years to come, they may not remember every rule or every battle – but they will remember if you showed up, stayed curious, and led by example.
Recently, I watched the Netflix series Adolescence. It was confronting. Yes, the story ends in tragedy – and thankfully, most families won’t face that. But many are already experiencing the quieter consequences of digital overload:
- Late-night scrolling
- Emotional withdrawal
- Identity shaped by strangers online, not the people who love them most
One moment in particular stayed with me – a father’s tearful reflection:
“I should have done more.”
But there was also a scene of hope – where another father reached out to reconnect with his son, with simple words: “I’m still here. I love you.”
You won’t always get it right.
But you don’t have to be perfect.
You just have to be present.
Alongside the school programs I deliver, I also mentor a small number of teens one-to-one through my Ultimate Teen Transformation program –helping them become unstuck and thrive in school and in life.
